Lessons Learned This Year

This has become a tradition, compiling the multitude of things I have learned into a list.

The fact is that tomorrow is the last day of the year, of another of my life, where so many thing have happened, things that are both small and large, but valuable all the same.

And sadly, as life goes on, and I get older, I'll forget some of the things that I have learned in my life.

I'm hoping that I look back at this post, and one day this entire blog, when I'm writing for the Chicago Tribune, or the New Yorker, and remember what it was like to be a teenager in high school. teenager falling in love, getting ready for college, laughing, crying, and just living.

Things I've Learned this Year

1. Everyone should be in a musical
2. PERFECT practice makes perfect
3. University of Rochester is the place I want to be
4. My role model is now Lacey Sturm
5. I love eyeliner
6. The instyler does actually work
7. Facebook is addictive
8. Adam Levine's voice is amazing
9. Personality tests lie sometimes
10. I want be a journalist. Not just any journalist. One that changes the world.
11. I'm gorgeous :)
12. Macs aren't actually that complicated
13. They never tell you who the mother is on How I Met Your Mother
14. I love that I don't exactly fit in.
15. Eminem isn't the bet rapper alive. Who is, though, I don't know
16. Just because I'm a writer doesn't mean I can't struggle with English
17. Salad is delicious
18. French dressing is the best dressing
19. I never get tired of pizza
20. I can't cut hair
21. I only write songs when I'm heart broken
22. I'm the world's worst procrastinator
23. I desperately want a job
24. Converses are the best type of sneaker
25. I'm a hopeless romantic
26. Really bad movie are the best movies
27. College is actually real
28. Heartbreak always sucks
29. I have a big ego
30. Never have any regret
31. I can have a best guy friend
32. You cant save someone, no matter how hard you try. Only they can do that.
33. I can be hopelessly oblivious
34. I'm extremely disorganized
35. No matter what happens, I'm graduating high school in a year and a half

Holiday Thoughts

So in the light of the holidays thought it would be really helpful to look back and think about some things, especially since the end of the year is approaching in a matter of days. And through all of this thinking (and gift opening) I was wondering why it is that I've been so stressed.

Of course it's been because of school, but to me that 's much too vague. So as I ate delicious cheese cake, and enjoyed the beginning of my holidays, I continued to wonder why my stress level has been so high, and how it's been affecting me.

And that's when I realized that the reason I've been so stressed is because I have no stress release.

After this realization, I was immediately brought back to a Saturday morning where I woke up and the first thought on my mind was

"Jesus, I have APUSH homework."

Which then proceeded the daily stress induced hours of me making a mental checklist of all the homework I still didn't do.

Being brought back to that memory made me realize that the stress that I had would overwhelm me to the point where it was just always there.

And maybe I'm not the only one with that problem.

That said, it's time for me to figure out ha it is that can take that stress aay, so that I don't feel like my life is a huge clock, ticking away to my future.

What's the Difference?

They say that you should work on yourself after a break up. But nobody tells you how hard that is. Especially when you don't know what it is your feeling, and what it is you should do about it.
Because your head is telling you that you need to focus on your life, and at the time, this idea seems to be the best you've ever had, until you realize that your heart is telling you what seems to be the exact opposite.
And so once again the question of balance comes to mind.
I really feel like my posts are full of all these questions nobody is answering.
Because I really want to know: how do I differentiate between what should be done and what has to be done?

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The Big Question

Teenagers have the tendency to forget about everything in the world but themselves, and I've always asked myself, why?
Are they being selfish?
I can't lie. That's partly it.
But I just realized something. It's not only the fact that teenagers are being completely self absorbed.
It's the fact that it seems like are 100 things going on in your life all of the time.
I mean, you're falling in love, finding yourself, realizing who your true friends are, arguing with your parents about whether what you actually feel for this guy is love, and then possibly even getting your heart broken, even though you're still trying to figure out if you were in love. Meanwhile, your grades seem to be fluctuating more than the stocks on Wall Street, and colleges are sending you mail daily, leaving you with a permanent headeache of all the things you must be doing wrong.
And through all of this, you're asking yourself,
What the hell is going on?
In the blink of an eye, your life feels like a show, flashing before you, escaping through your fingers and you think, these college emails are right;
time is ticking.
So the big question is, what are you supposed to do about this stress inducing chaos that is now your life? How do you balance all these things; love, friends, family, school, college, even yourself, all of which seemed to appear at the same time?

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What do we do?

There seems to be a common theme to all of my recent posts, and it's been college. All
i can say is, that's the thought in my mind that hasn't disappeared since the beginning of junior year.
I mean it's been on the minds of all the juniors.
Like I've mentioned before, the time is ticking.
And that's exactly how it feels. Like a huge clock ticking in our heard constantly.
The concept of college excites me and terrifies me at the same time.
I'm excited to go and be on my own, to meet new people from different places and just talk to them. I'm excited to write about my life in college.
But then again, college looms over me and stresses me out, just like it does to the rest of the juniors.
Where am I going to be in a year and a half?
that question drives me insane, especially when I feel like junior year is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
I mean, AP Bio? Who would think cells would be so complicated?
And English, the class I've always prided myself in, is the one where I have to read the most dense book I've ever encountered, where it takes me to 2 hours to read ten pages.
And once again, I'm not the only person feeling like this. Just have a conversation with any other junior in UCHS.
So I ask myself, what do we do?

How do we get past this? Because no matter what happens, the clock continues to tick.

The Clock is Ticking

The college process was always real to me, ever since I walked into the doors of WCCS and shook Ms. Kennedy's hand for the first time.
But now, as the years are passing, as time is ticking, the concept of college has gotten even more real.
As I thought about the last trip we recently had, I kept wondering, if college has always been on my mind, what makes this trip so different? Because in all honesty, those three days changed something in me, made me see my life differently. Made me discover what it is I want from college.
So I asked myself, what was different? Was it the different schools, the time?
As I looked back on the trip, though, I realized it wasn't any of these things.
It was the moments.
The moments that I had these epiphanies, about me and what I really want.
Like listening to my tour guide from The University of Rochester tell me, "This school isn't looking for well rounded people who seem to be good at everything. They want someone who has a passion for one specific thing."
Or being in an info session at RIT and hearing about its career focused curriculum, and writing seven words on my paper:

I don't want a school like this.

Or sitting on the floor in a room at Osewgo, talking to Journalists who started their own magazine, and thinking:
I want to do this.
These small moments are what made me realize, once again, just how close I am to going to college.
And it made me wonder:
Will I create my own major?
Will I start my own magazine?

What mark will I make in about a year and a half?

Because the reality is that I'll be in college in about a year and a half.

Whether or not it will be University of Rochester, or Syracuse, or University of Pennsylvania, I don't know.

All I know is that the clock is ticking.

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The Reality Is

Wow this is real.
Those words stuck with me as Mr. Baker stood at the front of the room, showing is pictures of the junior college trip.
"This trip isn't for fun," he said.
And he's right.
The words this is junior year ring in my ear constantly, especially during checkpoints when I'm staring at my grades and I have realized that I have failed two classes tor the first quarter.
Because that's the reality.
Thinking about that, its easy to let the stress consume you completely.
I mean, is a 69 really what a college like Syracuse is looking for?
Of course not.
But even though I really want to break down right now, I refuse to.
Becuase at the end of the day, I just need to ask myself,
What do I need to do?
What do I need to change?
Because the first quarter is done and over. So why look back wishing things could be changed, when its much better to say :Regrets? I have none.
One thing that I've realized this year is that success is all about knowing what works for you.
So instead of being hard on myself for the things I can't change, I'm going take a real look at myself. At where I want to spend four years of my life and what that means, at what my strengths and weaknesses as both a student and person are.

I'm pretty sure that's what all the juniors have to do.

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