Confession Time

I have a confession to make.
When people ask me questions about the future, it scares me.
They ask me something like what  my major would be if i got into the University of Rochester and I freeze.
My teeth clench and my chest tightens.
Because I don't know.
I have no direction and, that to me, is the scariest thing in the world.
Because it's not about knowing my future major.
It's about the fact that I've always wanted to be a writer, ever since I could remember, that I've never imagined, I mean really thought about what else I would do with my life.
And now all of that has changed.
And the days are getting closer to senior year, to when I have to apply to college, to those acceptance letters, to me stepping on a college campus.
And I have all these questions that I don't have the answers to, and instead of trying to answer them, I avoid them.
Until I can't anymore, and I have to think about my future, the reality of it. Of leaving home. Of thinking of yearly salaries of jobs I'm interested in.
My future is no longer this montage I can imagine and wonder about. It's something I really have to make decisions about.
And that scares me.
But the fact is that I'm going to college sooner than I really understand, and that I have to think about all the things that I thought only grownups thought of, and stop avoiding them like a plague.
So here's me saying that i'm really going to take my future seriously now, stop breaking down when someone asks me questions about it, and get rid of that montage I keep changing and replaying in my head.