Enfin, je suis à la maison

I've always felt as though I was a outlier in this world of normalcy . 

No one to understand the reasoning for my actions or the development of my ways .

But yesterday , I found something . Something that practically changed my life for the better . 

I went to this program called Latino Youth in Action where they basically teach you about safe sex while also building beneficial relationships with future peers . Dedicated to teens , they provide counseling , HIV testing , food & much more for FREE . The program also is centered on gay rights and equality . It serves as a friendly environment for everyone and it's a really amazing way to meet amazing people . 

Continuing on , although I was nervous & hesitant to go , my eagerness to find a place for myself  took over my fears . Monday morning I woke up , dolled myself up , & met up with my friend Dashwan , the same person that introduced me to the program in the first place .

Once I was in the elevator to the building , my insides began to cave in . I found it unusual that I was so fearful of what was to come , yet so eager to get there . I walk through the doors & could feel the love in the air . The environment was like that of Heaven & the I could sense little angels nearby .

To my amusement , every teen guy I saw was feminine . They all had that spunky personality & walked as though they were modelling for a trade show . I found it hilarious , but also brave . I could never be so willing as they were ; not because I didn't want to , but because I felt like I couldn't .

After about three hours of getting to know everyone & sharing a couple of laughs , we traveled to a pier in Manhattan . This part is really hard to explain with words .

Everyone was either dancing , play fighting , or cursing someone out . It was some of the best moments in my life thus far & made me forget all negative thoughts , things , & people . While everyone was doing their own little thing , I went to the edge of the water , took out a penny , made a wish & threw it into the ocean .

It was the first instance of true happiness in my life . I didn't want to leave these group of people . Although I was extremely shy & barely knew everyone on a personal level , something about them made me feel safe .

Going home Monday evening definitely had me emotional . For ME , this was more then what It actually seemed . It was a part of my life that I didn't want gone , nor did I ever want to forget . I hope & pray that I make new friends at this program . It's the start of a new beginning that hopefully will never end .

Just think about it , how would you feel if you could be in a place where you could be yourself without judgement ? A place where everyone understood you because they all went through what you endured ?

I could now say that finally , I was home .


For more information on Latino Youth in Action , go on their website at http://lyia.hafnyc.org/  .

Half Way There

Over a month has gone by since my first year of high school has ended , & I'm quickly shuffling my thoughts together as I come across sophomore year . Now that I've experienced several aspects of what it takes to be a successful student , I'm now beginning to think of the future in the present , rather then wait until the future becomes the present . I've learned that by thinking with the end in mind , one can be better prepared for what's soon to come .

In complete honesty , fear has once again made its way into me . Two of my favorite & trustworthy teachers have left this year , Ms.Mary Mitchell & Mr.Joseph Baker .

 Ms.Mitchell was my school's social worker . But more importantly , she was my friend . Whatever it was that I was going through , no matter how cramped her schedule looked , she always found time to check up on me . If it wasn't for her , I most likely would've gotten suspended for the first time . Now that she's no longer going to be with me , I'm a little worried that I won't have that relationship with any other adult figure . I now have to look within myself  , rather then confide in someone else .

Mr.Baker was more then just a 10th grade Spanish teacher . He was the only adult that I could tell everything to ; he understood everything I said because he had gone through similar situations. To not have that person that shared mutual understanding with me is going to be difficult . I now have to rely on the outside perspective of other students and staff . While they might know what I'm going through , they'll never understand it .

I realize that for the first time , I'm going to have to mend on my own . Although I know that I have many supporters & friends , I don't want to have to rely on them . At the end of the day , I must make a choice that I know will most likely benefit me .

I've noticed that there's been a lot of talk surrounding UCHS . How race & racial profiling plays into the atmosphere of the staff & school in general . Though I haven't dealt with this on a personal level , I completely understand & have witnessed the miscommunication between staff & students . This needs to change .

I hope that for my 2nd year being a high school student the relationship between teachers & students gets progressively better . I feel that if that was to occur , then the relationship between students would also benefit . If we all feel as though there's someone we can go to , there would be less we'd be having to express to each other , whether or not that's verbally or physically .

I'll go through the year with this motto in mind : Hope for the best & expect for the worst . I've realized that setting up expectations for society is a recipe for disaster . Not everyone is going to abide to what you want in life and frankly no one really cares but a handful of people . Realize & recognize who truly cares & matters .

By far the most important thing I believe I need to do is to be a inspiration . Obstacles are bound to stand in my way , negativity is bound to push me off track , but it's what I do after that that really matters . Strength & perseverance are going to bring out my true colors . I refuse to be pushed around like I always was , & I want to finally defend myself ! Others fighting my battles teach me nothing , & the one way I'll earn respect is if I prove that I deserve it .

I set high expectations for myself , simply because I want to be the best I know I can be . There's always room for improvement , and there's no way I can be perfect . But with a fierce demeanor & a constructive mind , I can achieve my goal of changing the world .