Growing Seasons

I'm so grateful for the way everything in my life has been adding up.

I feel like I've gained so much more respect. I'm having more conversations with the boys in my school and they're normal. I don't think any of them realize how ecstatic I get when we have a interaction. Simply saying "hi" can make me go home crying tears of joy. Any little form of progress changes my life forever, and no matter who it's from, I appreciate it to the fullest extent. I feel noticed, more accepted, and a sense of change. At this point, I'm advocating for those who may be in my shoes one day.

On the down side, I find myself wanting another family. It's sad that I can say that It's hard to find my love for them. They seem to be the main source of my stress and anger. The reason behind my failing relationships with others outside of them. For example, since I'm on break from school, I want to just hang with friends and get away from all the work. Instead, I act as a father towards my younger brothers, and if I so much as suggest leaving the house, I'm put down for it. It's hard being a teenager when I feel like a adult.

In terms of school, I'm officially the President of the Gay-Straight Alliance club in school, and during our last session we've made big plans to improve the environment in UCHS. We hope to include the American Flag, along with the Pride Flag in the majority of the classrooms and show more videos demonstrating the importance of tolerance and respect. I really do hope that my efforts and dedication to changing the society around me impact the students and staff in and out of school. I'm really proud to announce that I've seen a lot of people advocating for me without them even knowing it. Many freshman girls are so deeply infatuated with me, and they tell me how inspiring and brave I am to them. It's a remarkable thing to me, that the ones I thought would be the least mature, are the first to step up.

On my free time, I find myself talking to myself. I create situations in my head and find solutions to them. It's difficult to tell whether I'm going crazy or not. I've been told that the smartest people in the world talk to themselves, but I find it rather weird. I feel like it may be a product of all the things I wish to say to everyone.


Recently I've been going on YouTube and finding videos regarding the debate on gay marriage and the different perspectives on each sides. It helps me understand better why people feel the way they do, and it definitely gives me insight about how society really feels. It gives me some sort of validation for why people say and do certain things to others who are simply different from them. I'm eager to share a couple of quotes that caught my immediate attention while watching numerous videos :

"It's not discrimination to treat different things differently"

"Anyone that comes out against it will be crucified, and I think that's unfair"

"It's about two people saying 'I love you'"


Don't these quotes make you think? These quotes are just small examples of the things that I think about 24/7 that literally drive me insane. I think a lot of teens feel really confused about life around this time in their lives because we're realizing how the world really works and we're starting to get affected by it. I'm one of those people that over think practically everything because it seems so difficult in the moment, and there's so many instances where I wonder how I could move forward in life. I honestly think I need some sort of help because I already feel like a adult trapped in a child's body.


To end on a good note, I'm finally talking to someone that I'm really considering to have a deeper relationship with. I'm just somewhat nervous because I'm unfortunately still scared of society. Any public display of affection with another man makes me quiver and freeze up at the thought of it. I guess I just got to be brave, right? If I want to change the world, I have to be willing to take risks.