It Will Make Sense Along the Way

I've been stressing out lately, and asking myself all of these questions that I can't answer.
I have the tendency to do that, freak out about everything.

My friends like to tell me that I need to calm down.

The funny thing is,  a lot of the things I stress out about are things I don't really need to be thinking about yet.

Like how I'm going to pay for law school when I haven't gone to college yet.

And it's kind of weird, because I used to to be a person that always wanted to do everything and anything.

I never really had one dream job, but a million of them.

I wanted to be a writer who studied government, acted in shows on my own time, and taught Spanish on weeknights just because.

And now I've realized, I'm still the same way. I guess I just thought that I had to have everything figured out.

But I don't.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not just wait and see, everything will work out in the end. I'm usually naturally a little stressed out, remember?

But I've forgotten all the things that I want to be when I grow up. I've forgotten that I don't have to choose one thing, one university, one law school. I can figure it out as I go.

Someone once told me that one-track planning is poor planning. I'm thinking about making that into a sign for my wall in my room, so every time I start freaking about the price of law school, or what specific type of psychology I want to study in college, I'll take a second to breathe and just wait to  figure it out naturally.

But that doesn't mean I don't still want to be Governor of New York. A girl can dream, right?

Back to myself

You ever feel like you lose sight of yourself of what you really want in the midst of living life? Like you become so preoccupied with updating your status on Facebook, or  analyzing the thirty second conversation you had with the person you're interested in, or even how much of a an unnecessary game high school seems to be at times, that you forget what makes you who are, or the dreams you once had?

I haven't written in almost two months, and that should be a sin. I haven't played guitar in longer, and that feels even worse.

I miss doing things that make me remember what makes me who I am. I miss keeping a journal, and writing impromptu songs when a melody would pop into my head. 

And maybe I'm feeling this because I'm about to leave home for college soon. Maybe it's because I recently completely changed my career to politician after months of searching and self discovery. I don't really know.

All I know is, there are so many things that I need to do. 

I need to start writing again. I need to get off Facebook. I need to take out my guitar and learn some more Green Day and Nirvana songs. I need to listen to more Janis Joplin and watch more PBS news.

It feels good to write again. It's as if I've found something that I lost in my life.