Revalations

I know I haven't been on in awhile , but it's because I've been through a lot in the month I've been gone .

First off , my brother turned 5 years old & is now in 1st grade! Definitely moments to celebrate , as I always wanted to be a big brother . It seems as though time is passing by so quickly , it's horrifying .To think that he's now in grade school ,when just the other day he was being born.


Also , my mother's new boyfriend moved in about 3 weeks ago & things aren't working out exactly how she planned them too . It's not that we don't get along , but that she now has set so many expectations that I just don't agree with . She's so infatuated with him , that she forgets that I still have to get used to another man being in our house . I'm confused myself , but it's not a subject I like to get into much .


Anyways , my mother went back to school , so now our schedule is kind of crowded . She'll be finishing college when I'm starting it , the irony. What I'm learning now is actually what she's learning now , so I help her a little now & then with her homework . Our relationship has been going downhill , but we cope with the stress . There's more important things we need to deal with.

I finally got a phone , in which to my surprise was bought by my father . I still have issues with him but at least he got me what I needed . I've slept over his house a couple of times since last year , but it was only to take care of my sister . I honestly don't like him still , but I do recognize that he is still my father & therefore we need to be civil .

Me & my grandfather don't talk anymore, like this time I think it's forever . Apparently in his opinion , I'm out to ruin the family . He constantly insults me , calling me a asshole & other insulting names that are inappropriate . I don't need negativity in my life , regardless of who it's from . So I don't talk to him , & hopefully never will again .

Another huge thing going on in my life currently is this school trip I have in about 3 weeks. Since I recently found out that we can chose who we want to room with , I've been contimplating & thinking  about who actually wouldn't mind sleeping in a room with me . I've realized that I doubt any guy would be willing or comfortable enough with me , so I've tried asking the school if I could sleep with the girls instead . I was told that I'd either be with the girls , or have my own room . Either way , as long as I'm not with any guys , I'm okay .


On a better note , I recently graduated from the after school program that I attend . I got a certificate yesterday , announcing my completion . I was told that I was chosen to continue the program , meaning that if I attend until January , I will offically be able to teach other teens about safe sex & get paid . It will eventually become my job .

So you see ? My life's a disaster at the moment . I'm dealing with all of this while trying to stay focused on school & myself .

So much has happened , I honestly stopped caring about so many things. I don't trust my family , & I'm perfectly fine with that . I feel like a adult at this point . I'm taking care of kids , working , in school , all things that people twice my age should be dealing with . I've realized that if I care about every single that goes on , I'm going to go crazy . I can't let eveything trip me up , & my way of dealing with that is just not caring anymore . Is that bad ? To be comfortable without having family I could depend on ? To trust my friends as if  they were family ? 

I hate creating a sob story , but it's called life . All I can do now is try my best to survive .