The Return

Happy New Year! First and foremost, I want to apologize for my absence in the past couple of months. I've been a bit busy and I do regret not being more active. I'm dedicated to writing at least once every two weeks. I have made it one of my resolutions.

Life is definitely beginning to take it's toll on me. I'm realizing that my past friendships with boys is making me extremely nervous for my future, and has forced me to put up a wall. I unfortunately have convinced myself that straight guys don't want to talk to me. That somehow, they try their best to avoid having any interactions with me. This saddens me, simply because I know not everyone is like that. But something's convinced me to believe that this is true. No one's going to have the opportunity to talk to me, because I'm just going to assume they don't want to.

In brighter news, school has made its progress. We recently finished our unit on Social Justice in Theater class, and we had to perform monologues based on the plays of The Laramie Project and Fires in the Mirror . For those who don't know, The Laramie Project was based in Laramie, Wyoming, where Matthew Shepard, a gay student, was brutally murdered simply because he was gay. Fires in the Mirror talks about the Crown Heights riots, which started when a Jewish man hit a African American child. When the ambulance had finally arrived at he scene, the Jewish man was picked up rather then the boy, leaving the child for dead. It was a very emotional experience for me, but I was glad that this kind of exposure was changing the way I was treated. On the last day before break, I thanked Ms.Burke(Theater Teacher) for the experience,  It's made students more aware of their surroundings, and it showed the products of what their actions are capable of doing.

Before winter break started, I voluntarily wrote a 1 page(back and front) essay to my global teacher, who is running the GSA club(Gay-Straight Alliance), trying to explain how eagerly I want to be able to run the club. I'm a very shy, independent person, who needs to learn how to speak among many people. Besides that, It's a topic that I still fear to talk about, and I need to conquer my fears.

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas this time. I guess growing up, you get less presents and you feel less excited. My family situations are still not resolved, so it was even difficult enjoying family fun. Although, I did get many shirts, and even a new flat screen TV. I was very appreciative and surprised, I don't expect much these days.

For some reason, I cried on New Years. I'm not usually a crier, but the minutes leading up to 12 a.m were very reflective. I thought of all the troubles I've endured last year, and I was actually pretty impressed with myself. At the age of 14, I was still hating myself for the decisions I had made in my own life. To add to that, I had to deal with the unacceptable behavior demonstrated by immature students who cared nothing about the emotional damage that their words had on me. However, I was also grateful. It was also when I gained my best friend. The person who, through it all, understood and assisted wherever and whenever it was needed.

I'm looking forward to refreshing and renewing my own personal demeanor for the new year. My goal is to understand that it's simply not fair to judge all due to the actions of some.