I had a breakdown

If it's one thing everyone in UCHS has experienced is a breakdown. When you have as much stress as we do it's almost impossible to not lose it sometimes. Something in your head clicks, and the only thought that runs through your mind is" I can't do this anymore". It's really hard, school. It may seem as if all we do is complain. Complain about the rules and the homework. Complain about how life is unfair. But that's what it always is. Imagine you study every day for physics. You sit there for at least an hour redoing your problems from class, drilling the kinematics equations in your brain, but when you take a test it's like they start swirling and no matter how hard you try, the result you get back is a 56. It's aggravating, to give all this effort and see no progress. And that's what really brought me down today. The fact that this entire year feels like a waste because my grade in physics is a 71. I know I'm being hard on myself, but it's a habit.

Find something to keep you going

To me, the hardest thing to find is motivation. My dad likes to tell me that potential is nothing if you don't have motivation. You need something to keep you going. Some people just naturally have the tenacity to continue to fight till the end no matter what. Like my mother. I, on the other hand, have a bit of a problem when it comes to attention span. Boredom is my worst enemy and music and writing are my only vices. The only way to survive life and everything that comes with it is by finding something that you can look forward to and sticking to it. Especially with school, where you can become drowned in your stress, it's good to have something to keep you going. If you don't, you can go insane with anxiety, or just stop caring altogether and become complacent. That's one of the worst things that can happen, being satisfied with being mediocre. You should always strive for more, even though it's really hard. Always have that dream in the back of your mind that will keep you on your toes. For me, my dream is me standing in front of a crowd with a microphone in myhand, and my words from my heart on the tip of my tongue as I sing it out. That's what I think about when I don't want to do physics homework, or I want to fall asleep in Global (sorry Mr. Baggs,don't take it personally).
Everyone should have one. I just think about it and my skin comes alive and my heart is rejuvenated. That's my something that keeps me going.

The exception

Fake people are everywhere. I used to wonder what being fake meant. Did that mean that you were made synthetic or something? As I grew older and met new people, though, it was an inevitable fact that I was faced with people who aren't genuine. People who will plaster a smile on their face when they're around you but once you leave their mouth is full of all the flaws they notice. It's an unfortunate part of life. You can't have everyone like you. If you revolve your life around pleasing everybody, in the end you won't be pleasing anybody, especially yourself. It's normal to want to fit in. I spent my entire middle school year in that stage. Everybody wants to be popular and cool once in their lifetime. Eventually, though, you realize there's more to life than being able to boast that you're the name in everyone's mouth, or how many facebook friends you have. You need to accept you for you, and that's what high school is all about. It's about discovering who you are and being proud of it. I've been in the place where you have this false image of yourself that in the back of your mind you know you'll never live up to, but for some reason you still strive to be it. It's hard to get out of there, trust me. When you do, though, you'll realize how fake and ubiquitous the majority of people are. Everybody follows the trend like a herd of sheep just so they can have something in common with everybody else. Like my dad says, "you have to be the exception". Find yourself and learn to love you. Eventually you'll stop caring about what other people have to say. You'll know when your being consumed by peer pressure and when your not being yourself, and find the people you can really be friends with, the ones that don't make you think twice about what you say in fear of harsh judgment. Like Audio slave sings," To be yourself is all that you can be".

We're almost there

Can you believe it? We're almost there, to the end of the school year. It's weird how everything seems to drag on for an eternity till the end and you look back and it's flown by. By the time we know it, we'll all be graduating with tears in our eyes and early acceptances to colleges like Harvard and Stanford. It's already the fourth quarter and the flowers are blooming, even though I could have sworn just yesterday I was an eighth grader on a plane going to Costa Rica. But that's how life is. It zooms by without you if you don't advantage of every second. Next year we'll be sophomores. We'll be meeting new people, getting smarter, and maturing even more than we've already had (well most people.)I wonder, am I the only one who thinks about how they'll be when they get older? What friends they have, how many broken hearts they have acquired.
High school is definitely not what I would have expected. It's a lot of late nights and hard work. It's frustration and social sacrifice in order to succeed. But I've learned it's also finding yourself. It's about realizing you don't fit in into the crowd and accepting that you're unique. It's about realizing what you're calling is and doing everything you can to make sure it comes true. As the years progress, I know it's inevitable that people are going to change and life is going to get harder. High school is the chance for you to get ready to life alone. When you're on your own, there's no one but you who's going to pay your bills. You're going to have to get a job and make something of yourself, unless you're okay with mooching off of your parents like a leech.
I personally wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Writing club is my new favorite class

Saying that I love writing is an understatement. It's my escape, my vice. Ever since I can remember, it's what I love to do. I think it's safe to say that I'm known in my school for being a writer. And I'm proud of it. So of course I'm going to be a member of the writing club. Not only that, one of my best friends is the leader of it, why wouldn't I join? To me, writing is an art. It's expressive and unique. Something you can make your own. It's a beautiful thing, pouring your feelings onto a piece of paper, and watching your emotions spill everywhere. The best part,though, is the weight lifted off your heart and chest when you finally say the right words. The words that perfectly express what you're feeling, even if it's for a moment. I've always been the type of person that found it easier to write what I felt first before actually saying it. It's like there's a big knot of thoughts in my head that don't come always come out right when I open my mouth. But I can always say what needs to be said with a pen and paper. It's a curse and gift at the same time. It's been a struggle, learning to speak- really speak, when there's something to be said, not being afraid to have others hear it.My theory is the only reason I'm good at writing is because it was my only way out. So naturally I became good at it, but only because my mouth didn't work.

Chasing perfection

My dad likes to tell me : "chase perfection knowing you'll never get it.In the process, you'll be the next best thing, excellent. When he told me that, I was in middle school. I was insecure and yearning to fit in. I had no clue what he was trying to tell me, and to be honest, I was so caught up in my life I didn't try to figure out what he meant. Chase perfection? What was that supposed to mean? To me, he was trying to tell me I wasn't good enough. I would never be good enough because he wanted me to be perfect, and who was I? Only Michelle. Well. I finally get it, years later, when I'm older and more mature. He didn't want me to be perfect. He wanted me to be the exception. If you look around, there are so many people who are fine with being just okay. But you shouldn't just want to be okay. You need to be bigger than that, because you only live once, and you don't always get what you want. To get close, though, you have to bust your hump. Because in reality, it's not the people who are mediocre who get what they want. Life isn't some fairytale where some random prince from far far away sweeps you off your feet and suddenly everything is okay. The most successful people are the people who never give up, who take the nrrow path to what they want. If you want to be remembered, you need to give people a reason to remember you. I mean, there are like a trillion people that are on this planet, and if there's nothing different about you and them you're going to be a part of a huge blob of nothing. You need to be something, and the only for you to do that is to be yourself and and live life to the fullest. Chase perfection but make sure you know you'll never get it. In the end, you'll be excellent.

Watch out world

So I'm back. I couldn't blog on Monday. (If you notice, I never blog on Monday. It's because I have no internet access on Mondays). Anyway, on Monday, I had the honor of meeting some students from Achievement First. It was good to see some new faces that will be sharing our school for the rest of my teenage years. We were interviewed (I'm getting famous a little more every day). They asked us the usual questions:what we liked about the school, our extracurricular activities, and every other question I forgot because I have short term memory loss. I've gotta say, though, I'm excited to meet everybody else. I can really envision myself hanging out with the other kids from Achievement First. You know when you meet some people and you know- you just know that you and those people probably won't get along. Fake smiles and nods will be as social as it gets. It's like a feeling in your gut. I didn't get that feeling. Granted, it was only a few students from the school, my instinct says they're going to be cool people. I say, it will be good to have new people in our school. I mean, I love my classmates, they're like a second family, but there's only so much you can take of the same people. Like they say, same thing, different day. And just imagine all the awesome activities we can do now that there's more people. I know, I shouldn't get all excited. We're still separate schools. Very different yet somewhat similar. But imagine all the change we can do now that there's more than 38 teens. We can definitely change the world now. Planting trees and all that good stuff. So make way, world. First Achievement and UCHS are coming through. Get ready to ooh and ahh at our excellence and originality.