Tumblr

So I decided it would make the most sense to begin my Advice Column on Tumblr! Since it's a new idea that I had, Tumblr allows me to have my own unique design and create that fresh new look! I hope this isn't a inconvenience for anyone and I hope that everyone continues to read my work.


My Tumblr is mannswers.tumblr.com and my email is m.rodriguez@uchsstudents.org

Once again I appreciate everyone for taking time out of their day to read my work and I hope you can continue to read it on my Advice Column. Any questions just shoot me a email!

Shift in Goals

So I'm pretty upset at myself for not taking time out of my life to post on this. This blog, this gift, has given me the opportunity to connect with others in a way I felt like was impossible and I honestly took it for granted. In order to make up for the months I've been missing, I want to reveal to everyone what I've been doing over the summer and the new direction I'm hoping to go in with this blog.

So this summer, I had the amazing opportunity to intern at the Brooklyn Community Pride Center in Downtown Brooklyn. I've met intelligent people, attended multiple leadership workshops, learned a overwhelming amount of information, and even went to Minneapolis for a National Gathering created by the GSA Network. While this experience has had a immense impact on me, I need to give a special thanks to my life coach, Jordana. For the past 2 months, Jordana has pushed me to pursue something I'm really passionate about. As my time with her is unfortunately coming to a end, she's helped me realize one of my strongest passions : giving advice. I have a deep love for helping others and giving back to those who need it. I enjoy being that person that people can go to when they feel as though no one else is willing to listen. Which is why I've been inspired to somewhat shift the goals of this blog. Rather than talk all about my own problems, I would love to hear those of others. I want to make this my very own Advice Column!

Basically what I hope to achieve is for others to find refuge and inspiration in my words. I want it to be solely based on emails(which I will provide at the end) from anyone, even you, expressing anything that's going on in your life and allowing me to post my advice on here about it(can be anonymous if requested). Not only will you be able to hear a second opinion, but you would also be allowing me to put my dreams into a reality. I would really appreciate it if I was given a chance to actually do this because I'm very serious about it and will try my best to be as open and honest as possible. My intention is to simply be there for people, to listen and respond. I'm here as a friend, not a authority.

With that being said, I am in no way, shape, or form a professional/licensed/authorized advice giver. I'm simply a 16 year old young adult aspiring to bring his very own dreams to life. Nothing of what I do is for money, charity, or any form of profit. My advice is also neither wrong or right, and no one is authorized to do as I say.

Once again, I'd be honored if anyone of any sort gave me a chance to try to help them through anything that may be going on in their lives. I promise you won't regret it! Just email me at m.rodriguez@uchsstudents.org . I'll get back to you asap and hopefully this becomes a success. Thanks!

Wondering Thoughts

I stay shut to console the pain
I don't want anyone to hear me 

For in case I fall into the pit
I don't want a soul to save me

I see that efforts don't go far
'cause when all is said and done

you'll all go falling back again
and I'll admit that you have won

I lose my heart to my mind
almost every night

because the things I see now
make me wish to lose my sight

Forever I'll keep trotting
even when I'm alone

'cause my voice will be heard
and I'll call this place my home

Growing Seasons

I'm so grateful for the way everything in my life has been adding up.

I feel like I've gained so much more respect. I'm having more conversations with the boys in my school and they're normal. I don't think any of them realize how ecstatic I get when we have a interaction. Simply saying "hi" can make me go home crying tears of joy. Any little form of progress changes my life forever, and no matter who it's from, I appreciate it to the fullest extent. I feel noticed, more accepted, and a sense of change. At this point, I'm advocating for those who may be in my shoes one day.

On the down side, I find myself wanting another family. It's sad that I can say that It's hard to find my love for them. They seem to be the main source of my stress and anger. The reason behind my failing relationships with others outside of them. For example, since I'm on break from school, I want to just hang with friends and get away from all the work. Instead, I act as a father towards my younger brothers, and if I so much as suggest leaving the house, I'm put down for it. It's hard being a teenager when I feel like a adult.

In terms of school, I'm officially the President of the Gay-Straight Alliance club in school, and during our last session we've made big plans to improve the environment in UCHS. We hope to include the American Flag, along with the Pride Flag in the majority of the classrooms and show more videos demonstrating the importance of tolerance and respect. I really do hope that my efforts and dedication to changing the society around me impact the students and staff in and out of school. I'm really proud to announce that I've seen a lot of people advocating for me without them even knowing it. Many freshman girls are so deeply infatuated with me, and they tell me how inspiring and brave I am to them. It's a remarkable thing to me, that the ones I thought would be the least mature, are the first to step up.

On my free time, I find myself talking to myself. I create situations in my head and find solutions to them. It's difficult to tell whether I'm going crazy or not. I've been told that the smartest people in the world talk to themselves, but I find it rather weird. I feel like it may be a product of all the things I wish to say to everyone.


Recently I've been going on YouTube and finding videos regarding the debate on gay marriage and the different perspectives on each sides. It helps me understand better why people feel the way they do, and it definitely gives me insight about how society really feels. It gives me some sort of validation for why people say and do certain things to others who are simply different from them. I'm eager to share a couple of quotes that caught my immediate attention while watching numerous videos :

"It's not discrimination to treat different things differently"

"Anyone that comes out against it will be crucified, and I think that's unfair"

"It's about two people saying 'I love you'"


Don't these quotes make you think? These quotes are just small examples of the things that I think about 24/7 that literally drive me insane. I think a lot of teens feel really confused about life around this time in their lives because we're realizing how the world really works and we're starting to get affected by it. I'm one of those people that over think practically everything because it seems so difficult in the moment, and there's so many instances where I wonder how I could move forward in life. I honestly think I need some sort of help because I already feel like a adult trapped in a child's body.


To end on a good note, I'm finally talking to someone that I'm really considering to have a deeper relationship with. I'm just somewhat nervous because I'm unfortunately still scared of society. Any public display of affection with another man makes me quiver and freeze up at the thought of it. I guess I just got to be brave, right? If I want to change the world, I have to be willing to take risks.

The Return

Happy New Year! First and foremost, I want to apologize for my absence in the past couple of months. I've been a bit busy and I do regret not being more active. I'm dedicated to writing at least once every two weeks. I have made it one of my resolutions.

Life is definitely beginning to take it's toll on me. I'm realizing that my past friendships with boys is making me extremely nervous for my future, and has forced me to put up a wall. I unfortunately have convinced myself that straight guys don't want to talk to me. That somehow, they try their best to avoid having any interactions with me. This saddens me, simply because I know not everyone is like that. But something's convinced me to believe that this is true. No one's going to have the opportunity to talk to me, because I'm just going to assume they don't want to.

In brighter news, school has made its progress. We recently finished our unit on Social Justice in Theater class, and we had to perform monologues based on the plays of The Laramie Project and Fires in the Mirror . For those who don't know, The Laramie Project was based in Laramie, Wyoming, where Matthew Shepard, a gay student, was brutally murdered simply because he was gay. Fires in the Mirror talks about the Crown Heights riots, which started when a Jewish man hit a African American child. When the ambulance had finally arrived at he scene, the Jewish man was picked up rather then the boy, leaving the child for dead. It was a very emotional experience for me, but I was glad that this kind of exposure was changing the way I was treated. On the last day before break, I thanked Ms.Burke(Theater Teacher) for the experience,  It's made students more aware of their surroundings, and it showed the products of what their actions are capable of doing.

Before winter break started, I voluntarily wrote a 1 page(back and front) essay to my global teacher, who is running the GSA club(Gay-Straight Alliance), trying to explain how eagerly I want to be able to run the club. I'm a very shy, independent person, who needs to learn how to speak among many people. Besides that, It's a topic that I still fear to talk about, and I need to conquer my fears.

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas this time. I guess growing up, you get less presents and you feel less excited. My family situations are still not resolved, so it was even difficult enjoying family fun. Although, I did get many shirts, and even a new flat screen TV. I was very appreciative and surprised, I don't expect much these days.

For some reason, I cried on New Years. I'm not usually a crier, but the minutes leading up to 12 a.m were very reflective. I thought of all the troubles I've endured last year, and I was actually pretty impressed with myself. At the age of 14, I was still hating myself for the decisions I had made in my own life. To add to that, I had to deal with the unacceptable behavior demonstrated by immature students who cared nothing about the emotional damage that their words had on me. However, I was also grateful. It was also when I gained my best friend. The person who, through it all, understood and assisted wherever and whenever it was needed.

I'm looking forward to refreshing and renewing my own personal demeanor for the new year. My goal is to understand that it's simply not fair to judge all due to the actions of some.

Revalations

I know I haven't been on in awhile , but it's because I've been through a lot in the month I've been gone .

First off , my brother turned 5 years old & is now in 1st grade! Definitely moments to celebrate , as I always wanted to be a big brother . It seems as though time is passing by so quickly , it's horrifying .To think that he's now in grade school ,when just the other day he was being born.


Also , my mother's new boyfriend moved in about 3 weeks ago & things aren't working out exactly how she planned them too . It's not that we don't get along , but that she now has set so many expectations that I just don't agree with . She's so infatuated with him , that she forgets that I still have to get used to another man being in our house . I'm confused myself , but it's not a subject I like to get into much .


Anyways , my mother went back to school , so now our schedule is kind of crowded . She'll be finishing college when I'm starting it , the irony. What I'm learning now is actually what she's learning now , so I help her a little now & then with her homework . Our relationship has been going downhill , but we cope with the stress . There's more important things we need to deal with.

I finally got a phone , in which to my surprise was bought by my father . I still have issues with him but at least he got me what I needed . I've slept over his house a couple of times since last year , but it was only to take care of my sister . I honestly don't like him still , but I do recognize that he is still my father & therefore we need to be civil .

Me & my grandfather don't talk anymore, like this time I think it's forever . Apparently in his opinion , I'm out to ruin the family . He constantly insults me , calling me a asshole & other insulting names that are inappropriate . I don't need negativity in my life , regardless of who it's from . So I don't talk to him , & hopefully never will again .

Another huge thing going on in my life currently is this school trip I have in about 3 weeks. Since I recently found out that we can chose who we want to room with , I've been contimplating & thinking  about who actually wouldn't mind sleeping in a room with me . I've realized that I doubt any guy would be willing or comfortable enough with me , so I've tried asking the school if I could sleep with the girls instead . I was told that I'd either be with the girls , or have my own room . Either way , as long as I'm not with any guys , I'm okay .


On a better note , I recently graduated from the after school program that I attend . I got a certificate yesterday , announcing my completion . I was told that I was chosen to continue the program , meaning that if I attend until January , I will offically be able to teach other teens about safe sex & get paid . It will eventually become my job .

So you see ? My life's a disaster at the moment . I'm dealing with all of this while trying to stay focused on school & myself .

So much has happened , I honestly stopped caring about so many things. I don't trust my family , & I'm perfectly fine with that . I feel like a adult at this point . I'm taking care of kids , working , in school , all things that people twice my age should be dealing with . I've realized that if I care about every single that goes on , I'm going to go crazy . I can't let eveything trip me up , & my way of dealing with that is just not caring anymore . Is that bad ? To be comfortable without having family I could depend on ? To trust my friends as if  they were family ? 

I hate creating a sob story , but it's called life . All I can do now is try my best to survive .

Someone

School .

The first day of my 10th grade year was absurdly interesting . It was great to see all the familiar faces & finally get back to UCHS ! I was looking forward to beginning the new school year with new friendships & getting to know all the new staff . 

Of course , things don't work out the way one plans them too . 

Already on the first week of school I felt unwanted & less then . The freshman began to realize the person I really was , if you know what I mean . Their reactions were so immature & so hard to ignore . All I saw were faces , staring & laughing , as if I was some kind of freak show that no one has ever seen before .

To me , it got WORSE & that was a truth I didn't want to face .

. . .

However , things got better . The same guy that quoted the bible to me a year ago, telling me I was going to hell , was the same guy that came up to me , gave me a hand shake & asked me how I was doing a couple of days ago . No one instructed him to do so but his own conscience . While this may seem like nothing to many , to me it was practically everything . It reassured me that all my hard work & bravery was paying off . It informed me that my actions were clearly changing the people around .

Another guy that just a couple of months ago told my friend that he didn't believe God made me , was the same person that told me I was a great friend who gave exceptionally well advice .

I see it . I see what a great influence I've become to many people , guys in particular . Atlas maturity levels are gradually rising & society's realizing its ignorance .

I'm SOMEONE now , it's amazing .